the impostor.

 

The impostor self always wants to raise its head in times of vulnerability. When you are most fearful about being yourself, with all things that have already taken place. Things done to you, and decisions you have made yourself - who are you then when you think about such times. The times when you have succumbed to making your own choices - are they enough? Do your choices define you, or do you define your choices? Without balance to such questions, the line is blurry, the boundaries are not in place, identity is not yet formed enough to be able to rest in a place of contentment. What is contentment? Is it not the sense of actually living in the times of not knowing...but with enduring patience, putting one foot in front of the other with a sense of purpose, yet now knowing where you are going or what it is for?

When you/I sit with someone, talking, sharing, exploring the minds and hearts of one another - how much do we also question the thoughts of who we are in relation to that person? There is such a deeper current of identity taking place within those conversations that we are not aware of - who are you? You may ask if we are not being vulnerable enough within those trusted friendships and relationships, how are we then going to get to really KNOW one another? Words are powerful - are you drawing your words from the source of life and healing, or are you drawing your words from a source of guilt, loss, anxiety, anger and not dealt with experiences? Whatever your answer to those questions are, you need to know that there is such power and meaning in the depths of your character, whether wounded or free. Refrain from being hasty with your words when you are also trying to work out who you are. Spend those blurry times in the sanctuary, behind the curtain, being formed and developed in the secret place of intimacy. This does not diminish relationship with another, in figuring out who we are as there is important place for that too- but 'happy, blithesome, joyous, spiritually-prosperous, with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favour and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions, are the mild, patient and long suffering (those with controlled strength), for they will inherit the earth.' (Matthew 5:4-6). There your character is formed, developed, and above all, identity is found...rooted and established in love, God.