medicine.

I do really like to laugh...laughing from the deepest part of me, is medicine to my soul and also acts as a feeding tube into my functioning as a human being in the times of a world that does not know what to do with my life...BUT I need not worry, as my life is being held high in the hands of my Jesus.. So the things that enter in, and travel through that tube, are tested from the hearts of another, and the purity of their own journey...where they are, authentic in their walk even though it may be a painful journey for them...or even confusing....however they are not denying where they are. That is what makes me joyful, from the life of another person...sharing in their life...their character interwoven in their story...which brings times of sadness, yet also times of joy...it makes my own heart jump inside of me...that life is meant to be spent with one another as we walk through confusion, pain....yet joy comes in the mourning...don't give up...your story is meant to be shared with another...whatever, and however it looks...keep going...

i have a dream.

In the words of Luther... I have a dream....for the church...not just for a nation geographically, or even for the content of character rather than the colour of skin...but for the hearts of leaders, to turn back to their Lord...the church...

Where serving is not used as a 'means of grace'...worth is not found in works or the building of a system but instead where there is a cultivation of 'working out your own salvation', and for chains to be broken from the ankles of slaves not just of colour, but slaves of religiosity and performance driven success.

I have a dream that within each one of us, we are looking to the Lord for our healing...stripping off the need to use power in place of weakness...

I have a dream to let people be themselves where they are...with no need to cover, hide, or be judged....where I am not holding them to their own failures, weaknesses or shortcomings...but to allow a place of rest, peace and acceptance in the place of confusion and discontentment.

Once those failings are faced...weaknesses are looked straight in the eye...shortcomings are traced...and vulnerability is sitting at your door...that is the place where we then let go our urgency to hide ourselves away, to stop using people to escape from ourselves and as a result, get up again and again and again...

Then it may be possible to say 'free at last, free at last...thank God Almighty I am free at last!!'

burning.

When I was sitting around a little fire, having burgers (english ones...ew), there was a conversation going on..yet there was more to it than just a conversation. It was as if there was more theological debate hiding the character, than it was actually getting somewhere in the topic of conversation. But that's just me, I see the person rather than the information spewing forth from people's mouths.

I therefore got my phone, and wrote this down:

To know everything, and work out the intricate details of most things by human reasoning, and relying on that information, is the the deeper issue of not really knowing who you are. It is relying on you as a person and your damaged character, a separate entity from God because you have learnt to hide behind that information. He wants you to believe even when you don't hear, see or even feel him, but that means you have to strip away those things you have always covered up, built upon, and relied on. Go on...get to know the real you in the risen Christ...I dare you...

the impostor.

 

The impostor self always wants to raise its head in times of vulnerability. When you are most fearful about being yourself, with all things that have already taken place. Things done to you, and decisions you have made yourself - who are you then when you think about such times. The times when you have succumbed to making your own choices - are they enough? Do your choices define you, or do you define your choices? Without balance to such questions, the line is blurry, the boundaries are not in place, identity is not yet formed enough to be able to rest in a place of contentment. What is contentment? Is it not the sense of actually living in the times of not knowing...but with enduring patience, putting one foot in front of the other with a sense of purpose, yet now knowing where you are going or what it is for?

When you/I sit with someone, talking, sharing, exploring the minds and hearts of one another - how much do we also question the thoughts of who we are in relation to that person? There is such a deeper current of identity taking place within those conversations that we are not aware of - who are you? You may ask if we are not being vulnerable enough within those trusted friendships and relationships, how are we then going to get to really KNOW one another? Words are powerful - are you drawing your words from the source of life and healing, or are you drawing your words from a source of guilt, loss, anxiety, anger and not dealt with experiences? Whatever your answer to those questions are, you need to know that there is such power and meaning in the depths of your character, whether wounded or free. Refrain from being hasty with your words when you are also trying to work out who you are. Spend those blurry times in the sanctuary, behind the curtain, being formed and developed in the secret place of intimacy. This does not diminish relationship with another, in figuring out who we are as there is important place for that too- but 'happy, blithesome, joyous, spiritually-prosperous, with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favour and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions, are the mild, patient and long suffering (those with controlled strength), for they will inherit the earth.' (Matthew 5:4-6). There your character is formed, developed, and above all, identity is found...rooted and established in love, God.

less talk, more transformation

No one can touch those times spent, in the inner sanctury...it is of more value than gold..the blood, sweat and tears that it takes to get there...where there are no short cuts, but just you, naked, stripped of all your human imposters that cover the real you...but there you are standing before an Almighty God...who knows every inch of your system, your working, there is no hiding. In that place is where real transformation happens...where it hurts, is sacrificial, and surrender takes place...THAT is priceless. It is not something to strive after, but to seek the Lord, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and find him in the quietness of his house, away from the noise.